Review: Going Under by S. Walden (Spoiler-palooza)

SPOILER VERSION

WARNING* This book is NOT YA.  This book has very dark and mature themes of not only a sexual nature but of suicide, violence, and rape.

The Author has makes a note (and the end of the friggin book) that if you have ever been a victim of sexual assault or rape, you shouldn’t read this book.

I usually don’t write warnings on my reviews, but the author is not effing kidding, there are a couple scenes in this book that could definitely be considered triggers.

Ok? Alright.

This book opens with Brooke preparing to attend her best friend Beth’s funeral.  Beth committed suicide and Brooke knows why.

Brooke and Beth had been best friends since elementary school. Until Brooke betrayed her by having a sexual relationship with her boyfriend, shattering their friendship and Brooke is carrying a tremendous amount of guilt not only over that betrayal, but also because she knows the secret about her (estranged) best friend that ultimately destroyed her. Beth had been drugged and raped by a guy at her school named Cal.

Brooke’s parents are divorced and she’s been living with her mom, who is now moving across the country, but, It’s her senior year in high school and she does not want to travel all the way to California, so instead she moves back into her childhood home with her father.  And then plots to bring down the boy who raped her friend so she can get vengeance for Beth.

Her plan is to catch Cal’s eye and trap him into assaulting her so he can be punished. She honestly believes that it’s what she deserves for what she did to Beth, that it’s her penance and the only way she can forgive herself for what she believes is her part in her friend's suicide.

And at first it works like a charm. Brooke uses her feminine wiles to reel him in (and it’s scary how good she is at playing him, but not getting played by him) But then she gets an inkling that what’s going on is much deeper and darker than just what happened to Beth.

After overhearing a conversation between some of the boys on the swim team Brooke decides to investigate just what the hell is really going on.  

So Brooke begins to piece together  why the girl she sits next to in class just a shadow of who she was,  and why that other girl was crying in the bathroom? And why all these girls are warning her to stay away from these boys?

Aided by a computer hacker friend, what she discovers stuns her. Apparently these boys have a betting pool, like fantasy football, only it’s for sex with girls, they charmingly call it the Fantasy Slut League. Or FSL for short and it’s been going on for years. And Brooks suspects maybe Beth wasn’t the only victim of sexual assault in this school.

So, while she doesn’t abandon her plans to take down Cal, she does decide maybe she can help these others girls, because she wasn’t able to help Beth.

But, then she meets Ryan. Ryan is the cute guy down the street who is clearly interested in her. Despite her quest for vengeance she finds herself falling for Ryan.  And as the book progresses she realizes she can’t go through with her original plan, but she’s still determined to bring these boys to justice and figure out a way to forgive herself for what she did to Beth. 

So, to start…

I loved Brooke’s relationship with her Dad. It was sweet and wonderful and heart squishing (and a little heartbreaking too) Brooke’s dad is what fathers should aspire to be. Loved him.

Brooke’s flashbacks to her friendship with Beth were lovely in their poignancy. Were they also heartbreaking and bittersweet? Yeah. But that’s why I loved them so much.  The unabashed love these two have for each other as kids gave gravity to Brooke’s betrayal, and helped us to understand the crippling guilt she was living with.

Brooke’s relationship with Ryan (and their very much NC17 game of Call of Duty) was sweet and sexy (maybe a little to unbelievably sexy for me, but then I was late bloomer, so who knows what mad skillz high school boys have)

There are a couple of plot points I suspected, figured out early on, but I’m not going to spoil them for ya’ll, because they only lend themselves to the tension in this book.

And the tension is very well done as the story unfolds your stomach begins to knot. As the pieces fall in place and then the shoe drops. <stunned silence>

I thought she was going to get away all way up until the “fade to black”

I thought there was no way the author was going to let this happen to her. I was wrong.

These boys, they are sociopaths. I mean yeah you know Cal’s guilty, and you are pretty sure Parker and Tim are assholes. BUT….What happens to Brooke.

From the sentence “I woke up to darkness” until the sentence “I woke up, forehead pressed into the steering wheel” I was in hell. And the scene with her father absolutely gutted me.

 28 pages (on my kindle, so 28 clicks) of psychological, pathological, horrifying mental, verbal and physical abuse. The author stopped short of describing the penetration rapes.

But what she did describe was so much worse. My mind recoiled and tears streamed down my face. The violation is so much more damaging, that I wanted to unread what I’d read.

I understand that it’s a biological response. I do, I understand that. But to do that to Brooke, it almost felt like the author was punishing her for being a sexual person.

And then to find out that these boys been doing this since they were FOURTEEN!

I cannot conceive of a 14 year sexually terrorizing someone this way. Forcing someone to have an orgasm when you sexual assault them is sadistic and monstrous and beyond f*cking cruel.

Also, I suspected pretty early on that Ryan was hiding something. And to honest once it comes to light, I understand why Brooke was so angry and felt so betrayed by him.

But I also understand why she eventually forgave him. That he was a scared 14 year old and they not only beat the shit out of him, but threatened to kill him.

So I’m glad that Brooke and Ryan found their way back to each other down the road.

But…while the (very) slight dominant overtones in their sexual encounters previous to the rape were kind of sexysweet, the one at the end of the book was a fail for me.  Maybe it’s because it had only been a couple of chapters early that I’d gone through the “28 pages of hell”

And even though over three years had passed since they'd parted and reconnected. It was still too raw for me.

I mean frankly I’m thrilled she can still have an orgasm. I thought that was fantastic, that they hadn’t stolen that from her. And maybe that’s why the author put that in, to show that they hadn’t stolen her sexuality, they hadn’t broken her like that. But I don’t know…. It still made me uncomfortable occurring so soon book wise after the rape.

I think it would have been a smoother transition if some time on the pages had passed, or if the rape had occurred earlier in the book, or something more than a couple chpaters of encapsulated “this is what happened” text. Followed by the “three years later" Epilogue.

 The author puts a note in at the end explaining why she chose to put the forced orgasm scene in.  About your bodies adrenaline response, and the psychological –v- biological/physical response debate.  I’ll be honest I could have done without that.  I think a small blurb providing a source if they were more interested in learning what the professionals have to say would have been fine…Really.

So I'd say I enjoyed the beginning and middle of this book some parts were even great. Taut and expertly woven. Yeah the sex scenes between Brooke and Ryan were a little fantastical. But her relationship with her dad, her friend Gretchen, flashbacks to Beth and her sweet and sexy romance with Ryan elevate the weaker points, but 3-4% was a fucking nightmare followed by numbness, anger, confusion anger and finally healing and tender happiness.

So, if you read it what did you think?

Review: One Week Girlfriend by Monica Murphy

This book is exactly what I needed right now. You know how you'll read a book, and at the end you feel just emotionally shit kicked? But not in the good wow-what-an-awesome-book way? You feel like someone just dragged you through gravel and there's still some stuck in your skin.. Well, I had just finished a book that left me feeling just like that. And I needed another book to erase that crappy feeling. Dear Monica Murphy, I <3 you. With the first three words "Too caught up" I was restored. I lov...more(I I am I am so lazy I've basically just posted the same review to Goodreads and Amazon. This book is exactly what I needed right now. You know how you'll read a book, and at the end you feel just emotionally shit kicked? But not in the good wow-what-an-awesome-book way? You feel like someone just dragged you through gravel and there's still some stuck in your skin.. Well, I had just finished a book that left me feeling just like that. And I needed another book to erase that crappy feeling. Dear Monica Murphy, I <3 you. With the first three words "Too caught up" I was restored. I loved this story. I loved Drew (poor screwed up and screwed over Drew) I really loved Fable (who really is just one awesomely relatable chick) But most of all I loved how REAL their story was. I could see Drew, and I could see how what happened effed him up, and how someone like Fable was just what he needed. It felt real, occassionally raw, but never needlessly brutal or forced. And how the hell did Monica Murphy manage to make me smile at the end? It was beautiful, and sweet and redemptive. I highly, highly, highly recommend this book. My only real criticism? It was over too soon! I could have gladly wallowed around in their world until I got all pruney. So I am greatly anticipating book 2. ...win.. Tanya

Review: Hopeless by Colleen Hoover

I’ve been on a really lucky bender of excellent books lately. And Hopeless somehow managed to top them all.

Too often I read these squeeing five star reviews where the reviewer doesn’t ever manage to tell you why they loved the book so much. What was so awesome about the character’s and the story. What made them squee?
And those reviews drive me nuts. Because as a reader of reviews I want to know if there’s something in the book that will appeal to me!

Give me something dammit!

And here I am, completely at a loss for words, because words alone cannot express the deep, profound awesomeness of this book.
It was so perfect, so heartbreakingly beautiful and agonizing and funny and serious and every damn thing you could ever want from a book that I’m gobsmacked.

So here’s the best I can do..

I loved this book so much that not only did I read it in one day (ignoring all else, including sleep) I read it again right after I finished it.
I also highlighted half the damn book because Colleen’s writing is just epically full of win that I wanted to hug it.

I sent it to my bestest friend with the note that I envied her being able to read it for the first time.

I will no longer be able to use the words “best couple ever” for another couple in a review, because nobodies no how will ever come close to Sky and Holder.

And still that tells you nothing does it? ::sigh::

Sky is amazing, and funny and so centered. So secure in who she is that you just can’t help but love her and be in awe of her and her amazing wisdom.
Holder is just so beautifully imperfectly real and brave. He’s tortured by his past and the loss of two people he loved more than life. He’s confused and amazed by his feelings for Sky. But he knows more than anything else he wants her in his life and he leaves no doubt as to the depth of his feelings.

And what ensues is breathtaking. The burgeoning romance, the humor, the deep connection that these two have is just epic.

Be warned, there’s real darkness in this book, the unbelievable pain and heartache of betrayal and loss. It will break your heart, and just when you think the last bomb has dropped..you’re wrong, there’s still another.

But this is at its heart a love story. A beautiful, tragic, awesomely perfectly imperfect love story.

Read it. Carve out a day because once you climb into this world you will not want to climb out.
And even when you do finally crawl out, you'll feel disoriented because the characters that Collen Hoover has created are just too REAL...to not be real.

-Tanya