Review: Going Under by S. Walden (Spoiler-palooza)

SPOILER VERSION

WARNING* This book is NOT YA.  This book has very dark and mature themes of not only a sexual nature but of suicide, violence, and rape.

The Author has makes a note (and the end of the friggin book) that if you have ever been a victim of sexual assault or rape, you shouldn’t read this book.

I usually don’t write warnings on my reviews, but the author is not effing kidding, there are a couple scenes in this book that could definitely be considered triggers.

Ok? Alright.

This book opens with Brooke preparing to attend her best friend Beth’s funeral.  Beth committed suicide and Brooke knows why.

Brooke and Beth had been best friends since elementary school. Until Brooke betrayed her by having a sexual relationship with her boyfriend, shattering their friendship and Brooke is carrying a tremendous amount of guilt not only over that betrayal, but also because she knows the secret about her (estranged) best friend that ultimately destroyed her. Beth had been drugged and raped by a guy at her school named Cal.

Brooke’s parents are divorced and she’s been living with her mom, who is now moving across the country, but, It’s her senior year in high school and she does not want to travel all the way to California, so instead she moves back into her childhood home with her father.  And then plots to bring down the boy who raped her friend so she can get vengeance for Beth.

Her plan is to catch Cal’s eye and trap him into assaulting her so he can be punished. She honestly believes that it’s what she deserves for what she did to Beth, that it’s her penance and the only way she can forgive herself for what she believes is her part in her friend's suicide.

And at first it works like a charm. Brooke uses her feminine wiles to reel him in (and it’s scary how good she is at playing him, but not getting played by him) But then she gets an inkling that what’s going on is much deeper and darker than just what happened to Beth.

After overhearing a conversation between some of the boys on the swim team Brooke decides to investigate just what the hell is really going on.  

So Brooke begins to piece together  why the girl she sits next to in class just a shadow of who she was,  and why that other girl was crying in the bathroom? And why all these girls are warning her to stay away from these boys?

Aided by a computer hacker friend, what she discovers stuns her. Apparently these boys have a betting pool, like fantasy football, only it’s for sex with girls, they charmingly call it the Fantasy Slut League. Or FSL for short and it’s been going on for years. And Brooks suspects maybe Beth wasn’t the only victim of sexual assault in this school.

So, while she doesn’t abandon her plans to take down Cal, she does decide maybe she can help these others girls, because she wasn’t able to help Beth.

But, then she meets Ryan. Ryan is the cute guy down the street who is clearly interested in her. Despite her quest for vengeance she finds herself falling for Ryan.  And as the book progresses she realizes she can’t go through with her original plan, but she’s still determined to bring these boys to justice and figure out a way to forgive herself for what she did to Beth. 

So, to start…

I loved Brooke’s relationship with her Dad. It was sweet and wonderful and heart squishing (and a little heartbreaking too) Brooke’s dad is what fathers should aspire to be. Loved him.

Brooke’s flashbacks to her friendship with Beth were lovely in their poignancy. Were they also heartbreaking and bittersweet? Yeah. But that’s why I loved them so much.  The unabashed love these two have for each other as kids gave gravity to Brooke’s betrayal, and helped us to understand the crippling guilt she was living with.

Brooke’s relationship with Ryan (and their very much NC17 game of Call of Duty) was sweet and sexy (maybe a little to unbelievably sexy for me, but then I was late bloomer, so who knows what mad skillz high school boys have)

There are a couple of plot points I suspected, figured out early on, but I’m not going to spoil them for ya’ll, because they only lend themselves to the tension in this book.

And the tension is very well done as the story unfolds your stomach begins to knot. As the pieces fall in place and then the shoe drops. <stunned silence>

I thought she was going to get away all way up until the “fade to black”

I thought there was no way the author was going to let this happen to her. I was wrong.

These boys, they are sociopaths. I mean yeah you know Cal’s guilty, and you are pretty sure Parker and Tim are assholes. BUT….What happens to Brooke.

From the sentence “I woke up to darkness” until the sentence “I woke up, forehead pressed into the steering wheel” I was in hell. And the scene with her father absolutely gutted me.

 28 pages (on my kindle, so 28 clicks) of psychological, pathological, horrifying mental, verbal and physical abuse. The author stopped short of describing the penetration rapes.

But what she did describe was so much worse. My mind recoiled and tears streamed down my face. The violation is so much more damaging, that I wanted to unread what I’d read.

I understand that it’s a biological response. I do, I understand that. But to do that to Brooke, it almost felt like the author was punishing her for being a sexual person.

And then to find out that these boys been doing this since they were FOURTEEN!

I cannot conceive of a 14 year sexually terrorizing someone this way. Forcing someone to have an orgasm when you sexual assault them is sadistic and monstrous and beyond f*cking cruel.

Also, I suspected pretty early on that Ryan was hiding something. And to honest once it comes to light, I understand why Brooke was so angry and felt so betrayed by him.

But I also understand why she eventually forgave him. That he was a scared 14 year old and they not only beat the shit out of him, but threatened to kill him.

So I’m glad that Brooke and Ryan found their way back to each other down the road.

But…while the (very) slight dominant overtones in their sexual encounters previous to the rape were kind of sexysweet, the one at the end of the book was a fail for me.  Maybe it’s because it had only been a couple of chapters early that I’d gone through the “28 pages of hell”

And even though over three years had passed since they'd parted and reconnected. It was still too raw for me.

I mean frankly I’m thrilled she can still have an orgasm. I thought that was fantastic, that they hadn’t stolen that from her. And maybe that’s why the author put that in, to show that they hadn’t stolen her sexuality, they hadn’t broken her like that. But I don’t know…. It still made me uncomfortable occurring so soon book wise after the rape.

I think it would have been a smoother transition if some time on the pages had passed, or if the rape had occurred earlier in the book, or something more than a couple chpaters of encapsulated “this is what happened” text. Followed by the “three years later" Epilogue.

 The author puts a note in at the end explaining why she chose to put the forced orgasm scene in.  About your bodies adrenaline response, and the psychological –v- biological/physical response debate.  I’ll be honest I could have done without that.  I think a small blurb providing a source if they were more interested in learning what the professionals have to say would have been fine…Really.

So I'd say I enjoyed the beginning and middle of this book some parts were even great. Taut and expertly woven. Yeah the sex scenes between Brooke and Ryan were a little fantastical. But her relationship with her dad, her friend Gretchen, flashbacks to Beth and her sweet and sexy romance with Ryan elevate the weaker points, but 3-4% was a fucking nightmare followed by numbness, anger, confusion anger and finally healing and tender happiness.

So, if you read it what did you think?

Review: One Week Girlfriend by Monica Murphy

This book is exactly what I needed right now. You know how you'll read a book, and at the end you feel just emotionally shit kicked? But not in the good wow-what-an-awesome-book way? You feel like someone just dragged you through gravel and there's still some stuck in your skin.. Well, I had just finished a book that left me feeling just like that. And I needed another book to erase that crappy feeling. Dear Monica Murphy, I <3 you. With the first three words "Too caught up" I was restored. I lov...more(I I am I am so lazy I've basically just posted the same review to Goodreads and Amazon. This book is exactly what I needed right now. You know how you'll read a book, and at the end you feel just emotionally shit kicked? But not in the good wow-what-an-awesome-book way? You feel like someone just dragged you through gravel and there's still some stuck in your skin.. Well, I had just finished a book that left me feeling just like that. And I needed another book to erase that crappy feeling. Dear Monica Murphy, I <3 you. With the first three words "Too caught up" I was restored. I loved this story. I loved Drew (poor screwed up and screwed over Drew) I really loved Fable (who really is just one awesomely relatable chick) But most of all I loved how REAL their story was. I could see Drew, and I could see how what happened effed him up, and how someone like Fable was just what he needed. It felt real, occassionally raw, but never needlessly brutal or forced. And how the hell did Monica Murphy manage to make me smile at the end? It was beautiful, and sweet and redemptive. I highly, highly, highly recommend this book. My only real criticism? It was over too soon! I could have gladly wallowed around in their world until I got all pruney. So I am greatly anticipating book 2. ...win.. Tanya

Review: Hopeless by Colleen Hoover

I’ve been on a really lucky bender of excellent books lately. And Hopeless somehow managed to top them all.

Too often I read these squeeing five star reviews where the reviewer doesn’t ever manage to tell you why they loved the book so much. What was so awesome about the character’s and the story. What made them squee?
And those reviews drive me nuts. Because as a reader of reviews I want to know if there’s something in the book that will appeal to me!

Give me something dammit!

And here I am, completely at a loss for words, because words alone cannot express the deep, profound awesomeness of this book.
It was so perfect, so heartbreakingly beautiful and agonizing and funny and serious and every damn thing you could ever want from a book that I’m gobsmacked.

So here’s the best I can do..

I loved this book so much that not only did I read it in one day (ignoring all else, including sleep) I read it again right after I finished it.
I also highlighted half the damn book because Colleen’s writing is just epically full of win that I wanted to hug it.

I sent it to my bestest friend with the note that I envied her being able to read it for the first time.

I will no longer be able to use the words “best couple ever” for another couple in a review, because nobodies no how will ever come close to Sky and Holder.

And still that tells you nothing does it? ::sigh::

Sky is amazing, and funny and so centered. So secure in who she is that you just can’t help but love her and be in awe of her and her amazing wisdom.
Holder is just so beautifully imperfectly real and brave. He’s tortured by his past and the loss of two people he loved more than life. He’s confused and amazed by his feelings for Sky. But he knows more than anything else he wants her in his life and he leaves no doubt as to the depth of his feelings.

And what ensues is breathtaking. The burgeoning romance, the humor, the deep connection that these two have is just epic.

Be warned, there’s real darkness in this book, the unbelievable pain and heartache of betrayal and loss. It will break your heart, and just when you think the last bomb has dropped..you’re wrong, there’s still another.

But this is at its heart a love story. A beautiful, tragic, awesomely perfectly imperfect love story.

Read it. Carve out a day because once you climb into this world you will not want to climb out.
And even when you do finally crawl out, you'll feel disoriented because the characters that Collen Hoover has created are just too REAL...to not be real.

-Tanya

Review: Reckoning, by Lili St. Crow

Ok.

So I just finished reading the numero uno book on my wishlist "Reckoning" by Lili St. Crow.

How anticipated was this book for me? I took off work early to go to Barnes and Noble to buy it since the publisher decided not to make it available in e-book. (stupid fucking publishers. just know this is the last time I do this)

There are major spoilers in here. Sorry. But I needed to vent and I cant be arsed to dance around the facts.


The book begins with our beloved heroine Dru on the run in a stolen Subaru (alas it does not appear to be a Forrester) with Graves riding shotgun and Ash quivering in the back seat. Apparently turning back into a human after all that time as a wolf as been a pretty major mind-screw.

Things are all knotted up with Dru and Graves. Yeah she just saved him but he blames himself for that. And blames herself for him getting captured and then theres' the whole "blooming" issue.

Apparently the pretty quotient on Dru has skyrocketed and she's a little peeved Graves hasnt mentioned it, and she's also tetchy that she cares if he notices.

Nontheless they are on their way to the only safe place Dru has on this planet, her Grans house in the Appalachian mountains.

While there Graves finally admits he loves Dru, but in the next breath he's telling her he's not good enough for her. Very confusing, but also very Graves. Who as we all know has owned my heart since the first book.

Graves is the sort of character that readers covet when they find. He is the heart of this series. He's unwavering devotion to Dru and just general awesomeness have sparked some serious fan-fic in my head.

I still hate Christophe. I wouldnt care if he threw himself in front of a friggin bus, he's not Graves, he's got the emotional depth of a teacup. I hate that he smells like apple pie, and his slobbering all over Dru and his secrets and his general shadiness.
Unfortunately all the little teen-squees are all "OMG He's totally hot and sort of like Edward Cullen"
Gag.

And the thing in I was pretty sure Lili St. Crow was on my side with his. Dru and Graves deserved a HEA.
Why would you write such an awesome guy like Graves and then give him such a shit ending?

Excellent fucking question, and if I ever talk to Lili St. Crow I'll ask her.

Reckoning is almost pitch perfect until chapter 39...buy more on that later..lets go back to Chapter 37.

Chapter 37 is writing perfection in it's most satifying.

As so it begins with an ode to Kresley Cole

Before I start with the reviews
But I decided to go back and read them all again. Where they that good you ask?
Some of them were, unfortunately book one is IMO the weakest.

HOWEVER

I would like to clarify, that would be the weakest of the Immortals After Dark Series.

Which happens to completely kick the ass of every other series out there.

You will hear his many times in my reviews and just general blabberings..

Kresley Cole is a fecking genius. Seriously, it is ridiculous how madly skilled she is.

Not only has she created this alternate world where the coolest of the cool exist
Vampires (natch, because they are paranormal)
Werewolves, aka Lycans
Demons
Witches
Ghouls
Wraiths
and wait for it boils and goy's....Valkyrie

If there is one seriously untapped paranormal out there it is the Valkyrie. They are the coolest of the cool.

BUT, and here's the part that will bake your noodle, she weaves these stories together. So the stories play out in different books.
I will expound more on this later, but wrap your heads around that.

While Her Wicked Ways is Emmaline and Lachlans story.
Throughout the book other characters pop in and out. And then when they get their own book, you get the story behind why X was being so angsty about Z in book 1.

I dont know how she does it. But dammit it works. I wish I were that clever.

So I decided I'd re read these. If you have not read them, you are a goober. Seriously go pick up the first one now...I'll wait.

Got it? Well get ready for the ride of your life.

Oh and by the way. Pay attention to Nix. aka Nucking Futz Nix. aka The all knowing Nixie

Of all the books I've read (and man it's more than even YOU could imagine) Nix is the one character who I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see exist. There is no cooler chick, and no nuttier fruitcake.

My humble beginnings...

I didnt even learn to read until I was in second grade..

When I was five years old I got sick, really sick, ending up having emergency surgery sick.

And back in the seventies when you went into the hospital, you stayed in the hospital for months.

So I missed the alphabet portion of my learning, and managed to breeze through first grade completely illiterate as well.

So when we moved to a new state, my second grade teacher and my new school were less than to discovered I could not read.

Enter the woman who changed my life. Mrs. Schaeffer. She not only taught me to read, but she taught me to love reading.
(so if you're out there somewhere Mrs. Schaeffer, wondering if any of those hooilgans in remedial reading ever "got it" I did!)

From that fated moment on, I was sunk...I read books all the time.
In fourth grade I had to special permission from my parents to ready 6th grade books.

As luck would have it, fate had another emergency trip to the hospital in store for me in 5th grade.

I got bit by my family dog and had to spend two weeks at home recouperating...

So, bored out of my mind one day I wandered to my moms bookshelf...(imagine this kittens, no cable, no computers..it's was books or soaps)

And picked up a little literary gem called "The Flame and the Flower"

Now of course its infamous for one of those seventies romance plot nuggets...."The Hero Rapes the Heroine (who's a clueless virgin of course) because he mistakes her for a whore...

No matter, a love affair was born (an interesting aside here, what my 10 year old self remembered from this book, not the rape, nor the any of the other plot nuggets. I remembered her dresses..and pirates)

After burning through the rest of the trashy seventies romance novels (Hi Shanna, and several others)

I moved onto those teen romances by silhouette (numbered..I have them still hiding in the basement somewhere) and with the exception of one long summer at my grandmothers (middle of minnesota, grandpa had control of the tv -still no cable or computers kiddies) where one of my grandmothers neighbors gave me an entire washing machine box filled with Romance Novels.


(this was sort of like going on a bender with Jack Daniels and Southern Comfort and then just drinking virgin coladas for a few years..followed by Jack and Southern Comfort bender..back to virgin coladas..frankly it explains a lot)

Next up...the dark years of tortured psychological thrillers and "serious literature"

-Tanya